Sorry for how long this is. I thought it might be worth sharing with people.

When I was 10 years old I had my first “girlfriend” who I shared my first kiss with, at this point my brother who was 13 told me she was only with me because she wanted to get to him…imagine having that said to you at age 10. Your confidence undermined in such a major way that it took years to recover from.

The next girl was when I was about 13, she really really liked me and we held hands in Maths class. We were together for all of a week, because her friends told her I was fat and she could do better for herself, so she dumped me. It also happened to be on Valentines Day after I’d spent all my pocket money on her.

Then there was a 2 year gap before I met my first “love” Phoebe, I met her on work experience and it was amazing to be fair, she was my first sexual experience. It soon fell to shit though…she was getting me to send her £20 a couple of times a week and that was a lot of money for me at the time. When I eventually dumped her she told me not only was she using me, but she had a boyfriend and that my penis was small. Again, shattered.

The next time there was a girl was when I was 16…you’ve heard the story of how I lost my virginity to a woman twice my age, what you don’t know is that that woman then went on to accuse me or raping her because she had a fiancee and didn’t want to get in trouble for cheating…

From then there was a gap of 3 years before my next “girlfriend” who is affectionately dubbed “Psychobitch”..she knew my past, she knew I had been used and abused and generally treated like shit…she knew I self harmed and was seriously depressed…and had tried to kill myself….she had a fiancee too and we ended up sleeping together, she would “borrow” money from me and tell me she loved me, then she would not text me for days and she would actively play mind games with me. I was a complete wreck. Paranoid, jealous, insecure..everything…and she Made me like that. She is one of the main reasons I am so messed up now…we used to cut ourselves together..how cool is that ¬_¬

After her was Laura another 2 years later…she had a fiancee too but she fell in love with me on first sight. We messed around for nearly 2 years behind his back. This was still a massive time of messed uppedness for me. I was terrible to her but it seemed to just make her want me more. This is how our relationship started, with me treating her mean and her being keen. It works (on some girls) but it ruins who you really are. We had happy times, I’d be stupid to say we didn’t but I was also intensely unhappy within myself…we almost broke up in 1st year (did you know?) I cut myself so bad that night, and it was because she was getting her own life away from me, I disliked it.

Obviously me and Laura broke up…but it was because of a girl. She told me she loved me, and then she made me admit that I wanted her more than I wanted Laura…it struck me that if that was the case then there was seriously deep problems with me and Laura that had never been aired. She had a boyfriend….and I basically dumped Laura to be with her…and then she decided not to dump her boyfriend after I had…

So I was left alone….again…because of girls

In my 24 years I have tried to commit suicide 3 times. I have been on anti-depressants and done counselling. I have been a complete bastard not only to Laura but to other girls too.

Things never did come easy for me…Kat is actually the first person in…possibly ever…that I feel totally right with…I am for once not overly paranoid and posessive…

I was clinically depressed and nothing would shake me out of it…I was pretty much like you are today. Until I decided I wanted to be different

I know you are stubborn and you think things won’t get better…but look at the mess of a life I have led…and look at the amazing girl I have now…

I am not an attractive man, I’ve always known that…..all you need to do is have confidence…girls don’t like guys wandering around moping (or cutting themselves in my case)…girls like to see the you that that they want to spend time with..not some depressive guy who can’t have fun.

I know its hard..as you can tell I know its hard….but it gets better… and you have to take the bad with the good…because without the bad you never could appreciate the good bits.

Just know that if you ain’t happy in yourself you won’t be happy with a girl….I think me and Laura proves that…

A girl won’t solve your problems…only you can do that

Then the doubts just fall away

And I picture your smile and I see you say

That you want me and only me

And thats the way its gonna be

Anonymous asked: What's your biggest dream in life?

My biggest dream is to be happy. Which is a complex dream. That would come about though by never stopping travelling and taking photographs and being with a special girl :)

Anonymous asked: I know you take lots of pics for your animated gifs, but what program do you use to put them together?

I use a really simple website called Picasion(.)com simply upload the photos and then choose the size of the photos and speed they change at :)